Advice is hard to give, but everyone loves getting it, especially when they didn’t ask for it. As far as giving advice goes, I consider myself a rare expert. I’ve never given advice without it greatly improving someone’s life, somewhere. Today I have some advice for the programmers among us:

You should know the following languages if you take yourself and your craft seriously.


I hate to say it, but JS is everywhere. If you don’t know it, you’re just… you’re… ugh. That’s what I think. Ugh.

Not learning JS is like not learning English. It’s ugly and makes no sense, but it’s everywhere, and you’re handicapping yourself and being an all-around nincompoop.


Yeah baby! C is like driving a sports car at max speed through a small village – without a seatbelt. Vroom! Don’t even think about trying this language until you’ve got at least a decade of programming experience. However, everyone should learn it – yes, even you Python noobs.


Ah, the true lingua de franca of computers. Assembly is the backbone of all modern technology. I’d even say it’s the backbone of life today as we know it. Knowing assembly takes the magic out of computers and reveals their stark limitations. You will also understand why we can never have true AI without moving to a trinary number representation.


Aww, too dumb to understand monads? I don’t care. Take some LSD if you have to, you must learn Haskell. In fact, learn category theory while you’re at it. Why? I don’t know.


Not that you have to learn it, or even should, or even could. To learn Rust you need to have been programming practically since you popped out of the womb. But just give it a shot, and try not to have your mind blown too much by the future. We need more people badgering project maintainers to rewrite their shitty C libraries in Rust and take one more step towards obliterating all traces of C from existence.


Yeah, didn’t expect this one, did you?! Hah! As always, I am utterly unpredictable – and totally cool.


To conclude this fantastic blog post, I will just say one thing, and that is, that I am better than you, because I know what’s important in life, and that is knowing as many programming languages as possible. That is all.